Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Being Mum, Staying Sane (or trying to)

PND can be gone, but becoming a mother can trigger, or worsen another pre-existing mental health *thing* deeper within you. One that you didn't even realise was there.

My basis for this theory is that I have always been able to manage my previously undiagnosed EUPD, but becoming a mum changed the way I am. Not in a sappy, 'they make it all worthwhile' way, but in a 'holy shit, I NEED to care for these mini humans' way. More visceral and real.

I do not know if I would have broken down if I hadn't had children. The fact is, that I did, I have and to face I and come through. I have had to deal with my past and how it impacts upon my every day. Having done this, makes it a little bit easier to cope with who I am <because of my past> as well as who i am <now>. Reconciling these two is huge, and it's vital as only by giving myself credit can I grow to love myself.

Once you are a mum, suddenly, every single action has a consequence. It sucks. Whether it be a sneaky chocolate bar (that you probably don't enjoy as much because you are eating it quickly! To a trip to the Trafford centre where you take 2 toddler boys round M&S home and expect them to act like statues...hint...The latter left me crying in my car!). I could go on, but picking holes in my existence, or anyone elses' doesn't make life easier.

Basically, there is no finite end to PND, because being a parent is different every day. New challenges, worries, comparisons, pressures, experiences and mandatory educational needs all affect the delicate balance.

I don't have much advice, but don't be in a hurry to 'get well' because sometimes the goal posts move, I have considered myself pnd free for 6 months, but I will be living with the emotional consequences of becoming a mum for the rest of my life.

Be kind to yourselves, and each other. X

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