A Most Amazing Appointment

I met with 2 members of the CCTT (complex care and treatment team) today. A psychiatrist and my named social worker. I've had a month to work towards this appointment and I was terrified when I went in, I was shaking, anxious and kept myself busy all morning.

"You don't need to tell me your history, I have read the notes from your last 2 psychiatry reviews"

HALLELUJAH!

I smiled, breathed a few sighs (and the obligatory giggle) of relief and the session continued.

I explained that I feel mildly depressed and about my depressive episode in February. Including my triggers (anything social!). She agreed to increase my sertraline to 75mg. Yay!

She addressed my personality disorder concerns head on. Saying that it isn't the fact that i don't pose any risk to myself, more the stability of my work and relationship that goes against diagnosis.

I explained about my mild trichotillomania (I can spend 45 minutes pulling out leg hairs with tweezers). I explained about the strong genetics with my parents (one who definitely has a personality disorder and the other who is on a mood stabiliser).

I explained that I want a diagnosis to 'fight against'. She seemed sort-of satsfied that I care and that I'm self aware enough and resourceful enough to manage a diagnosis.

My social worker said that I shouldn't fight against a diagnosis, and that to use too much therapy might disable my own mechanisms. He was spot on, a diagnosis will enable me and give me something to work with.

Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder

If you Google it, it's BPD. I  wrote about my symptoms  here .

Diagnosis, something written down and sent to my GP is huge. I have a thing. There is a reason that I'm a bit odd, I'm not just a shitty person who has had a fair amount of luck.

I explained that my stable life has been a lot to do with luck...not being sacked, happening by radiotherapy training during a breakdown as I needed to quit my job, my mother winning the fricking lottery and the best luck of all. MrB. He's amazing.

So now my feelings have been validated, I'm increasing my sertraline, and starting Dynamic Interpersonal Therapy (DIT) in a couple of weeks. That course will last for 16 weeks and then, if I still have issues I can be refereed staight back to the CCTT and my Social worker.

Keep your fingers crossed.