Nurturing

"I love you,
I'll keep you safe.
You can be sad if you want to be sad,
You can be happy, if you want to be happy.
I love you if you are happy or sad"

A toddler is like a delicate flower, it needs protecting so that it can be it's most beautiful.

I was always delicate, always felt emotional pain very easily, and I felt injustice quite easily too.

Me and Ewan had a bit of an argument, he wanted me to find the Cranky the Crane book, I couldn't find the book. He got VERY upset. Inconsolable. I offered any other book.

Then I shouted. I got angry and shouty and it wasn't cool, or kind. But my goodness I needed a rest.

I lay next to Ewan, in his bed, after saying sorry for being shouty, and I wondered how to make him feel better. I wanted him to know that emotions are ok, and that we all have them. Sometimes they are good and sometimes they are horrid.

Anyway, I said those lines to him. They came straight from my soul, not only to Ewan, but to little girl Caroline, 30 years backwards in time:

"I love you,
I'll keep you safe.
You can be sad if you want to be sad,
You can be happy, if you want to be happy.
I love you if you are happy or sad"

My eyes filled with tears as I said them, feeling every word and sentiment. Ewan turned to me and smiled. As if it was all he needed to know.

I don't know how to be a mum, I'm trying to fix both the mistakes my parents made with me and the mistakes I made with my brothers and sisters. It's a lot to manage. It's ok