Cutting Mum Out?

I hate my mother. This isn't a new thing, she has screwed me up royally. 

Since having the boys, I see her once a month-ish. Thus far, there has been no issue as I usually invite her round when MrB is at work & it fills an hour of the post nap/ pre tea lull. Last time I saw her, I realised that I really can't be bothered with her, she really bugs me. 

Maybe I just avoid her for a while, always claim to be busy?That's easy enough. 

Maybe I tell her that I have a problem spending time with her, after all, my depression is her fault. 

Maybe I try again next month?

Maybe I find a way to forgive her, within myself, for me. I need to let go of all of it, but I simply don't know how. I really need to learn how, I can't carry this hatred, bitterness and other negativity around for another 15 years. 

Do you have anyone who is a bit damaging to you in your life and find it hard to commit to never speaking again?