I love Mean Girls, if you haven't seen it, there's a little bit (at 2 minutes 20 seconds) which resonates with the 'bad mummy' label that we attach to our actions, whether it be on social media or in conversation... Well, it does with me, and any excuse to watch a bit of Mean Girls!
Basically, 'you have got to stop calling yourself a bad mum, because that makes it ok for you and others to think that you're a bad mum'.
Are societies' expectations of us so high that we think letting our toddler watch Frozen makes us bad? Or letting them eat a chocolate biscuit? Or letting them sleep overnight in their Fisher Price swing because their reflux keeps them awake after the nightfeed (guilty).
No, being kind, helping yourself a little and allowing treats doesn't make you a bad mum.
I've spent a CBT session last week picking apart my 100% belief that I was a bad mum. I have all the reasons I had for believing this (there were loads) and then I justified and gave evidence as to why each wasn't true. At the end if the session, I believed that 'I am doing all that I can for them' at 90% and still had a little belief that I was a bad mum.
10 days later, I realised that my homework had eradicated that last 10%. When N and E both threw a strop in the doctors car park the other day, I said, 'I love you, I'm a good mum'. They didn't care, but it helped me to keep my head.
Remember, you almost certainly amre a good mum. I speak as the daughter of a terrible mum (hint: truly bad mums don't realise that they're bad).
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This is so true. Thanks for sharing with me. I'll try to refrain from calling myself those words in the future. xx
ReplyDeleteIt's a big way to be kind to yourself, sometimes MrB says it as a joke and I even have a zero tolerance on it with him. Chances are we are doing an amazing job with the tools we have xx
DeleteI know I need to stop saying it, fab post hun. You talk sense and always help me :) xxxxx
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I shall stop saying it too :)
ReplyDelete