Friday, 8 July 2016

Auntie D's Fun

This is a post about my current medication change. I'm scared because of what happened last time I changed:
I dissociated and had my darkest ever thoughts. I also screamed randomly at MrB during a run of the mill argument.

So, I've been on sertraline and mirtazapine for 18 months. I ended up on the combination when I cross tapered back to sertraline off mirtazapine. Then I found I felt so well that I dd a lot of research and discovered that I could get a doctor to agree on it.

Mirtazipine has given me amazing sleep. So I'm not prepared to give that up, son set about researching other antidepressants that work well in combo with it. There is a good amount of decent evidence for a combination of Venlafaxine and Mirtazipine. In some circles, it is called 'california rocket fuel'.

So, I went to my GP and asked. She said that she would discuss it with a psychiatrist who had access to my history and decide whether she could do it with his advice. And 3 weeks later, I was told that I could reduce my sertraline in my own time and then they'd prescribe venlafaxine.

I must be clear, I have persistent depression. It has shown time after time that it is resistant to treatment - I have had a lot of therapy, I've tried 3 different anti depressants previously. I have had 2 decent years since i was 17. I'm 34. I'm tired of beng depressed.

I'm also tired of never ticking the boxes for access to more heavy duty therapies, longer lasting courses and teams. I am terrified of pain, so I'm never a danger to myself. Sadly, that removes the option of DBT.

So, I've started to reduce my sertraline, I have tremors, vertigo, headaches and I'm so so tired. It's like having a really bad cold (minus the snot).

Wish me luck, and worst case scenario, I can go back on the meds I was on originally and hope that anxiety targeted CBT will help.

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