Thursday, 17 March 2016

Pain, Shame and Punishment

So MrB accidentally poked me in the eye as we were saying goodnight (not a euphemism). I got really angry and then cried.

I then realised that I feel shame and anger, evert time I get hurt, toe stubbing, head knocking, banged shin. The pain is accompanied by an emotional reaction. Shame, and then anger.

I think that the shame and anger are related to physical punishment as a child. I did something that was 'naughty' and I was punished. I have a strong moral compass, I'm quite black and white, so I often felt like it was unjust. So I'd feel angry. But, of course, that was just another emotion that went in the 'feelings vault'. Except that anger can be expressed, slamming cupboard doors when I hit my forehead with them my accident. Shouting, and ashamedly, smacking my brothers and sisters (I'm sorry, those times were mislead, and in was a child myself, in charge of 5 younger children).

I'm not proud of my anger and the history. But it has taught me not to make those mistakes again. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments are welcome, and it's nice to be nice.