Teach someone to fish...

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you feed him for life.

This was emblazoned upon a lovely canvas tote bag by The Body Shop in the mid 1990s. I didn't own one, I wasn't that cool. However, the take home message can be applied to much more than eating, yes sirree.

Mental health treatment within the NHS isn't very consistent, it isn't patient centred, it doesn't seem to be very evidence based and it doesn't even seem to conform to the 18 week wait targets that physical health referrals need to.

It is also massively underfunded and this probably causes these issues and huge, gapibg chasms in the care of down, desperate, lonely and vulnerable people.

I basically begged a psychologist on Friday to refer me for DBT - because I want to and need to learn how to manage my overwhelming emotions for the next 30-50 years of my life.

Instead, she either offered me:
counselling (which I begrudgingly accepted... )
Starting a mood stabiliser (required discussion with her colleagues and an ECG!)
Changing from 150mg of sertraline to a mid dose of mitirzapine. 

I chose the meds change because I know that sertraline does exacerbate my aggression and angry mood swings.

It's going to be a rough month - but j was relatively settled on Sertraline. It has aided mg recovery so much, I'm scared that I'll get depressed again. This wasn't addressed.

A single appointment with a psychiatrist and I'm on own to manage the mood swings.

I JUST WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FIX MYSELF.

MEDS ARE GREAT FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

Give a girl some antidepressants, she might get better, sometime. Give a girl the right therapy and she will get better.

Anyone know any DBT therapists in Preston? Anyone know if any resources that I could use?

Any similar experiences?

Sometimes You Have to be a Little Bit Naughty

I have always loved Matilda by Ronald Dahl, I identified with her character, her dysfunctional parents and feeling a bit trapped. I also REALLY wished that I could 'do' telekinesis.

The stage show is amazing, it brings the story to life in a much less sacrilegious manner than the awful move did (I haven't seen the movie, I saw the trailer, it looked awful).

One song really resonated with me a few weeks ago, 'naughty' sung by the lead character. It is basically about how when life is treating you badly, finding a way to help yourself out or at least having a bit of fun.

My depression was deep, it was dark and I was stuck at the bottom of a pit that I couldn't climb out of without help. This song is the soundtrack to my recovery from PND and my attempts to keep it at bay for the future.

'You mustn't let a little thing like little stop you' - depression makes you feel small, it wants you  to feel insignificant.

'Just because you think that life's not fair, it doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it.' - life sometimes sucks and life with little children in it can sometimes feel downright miserable, try to choose to be happy. You can't always, hell I definitely can't always.

'Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty!' - TV, McDonald's, not vacuuming today, taking the easy way out and not going to play group that day. Sometimes, being a little bit 'naughty' is a worthwhile protective behaviour.

NOTE: There is enough stuff around in the media and on the internet about the risks of too much TV, screentime and junk food. This post is a safe place, written to help parents get over the hurdles that post natal depression can put into every day life. Common sense and love x

Do you have a song that inspires you to feel optimistic about something bad or negative in your life?

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Blogging and Me

This blog was a long time coming, I fancied the idea but didn't have the time to blog about 2 under 2.

It has been wonderful to be able to write down my darkest thoughts and theories here, and also I've learned about myself through my own writing, comments and interactions and the #strikingmums Linky.

This little place will be my sounding board about depression, the recovery rollercoaster, mental health and parenting. Sometimes I need help, sometimes writing is that help.

I may write about CBT and do a post or two on my 'self care writing'.